This week on the B film docket is Jason X – 2001
Whats up good folks. And welcome to 50 B Motion pictures: The Sequel. It’s greater, higher, and badder. The unique 50 b Motion pictures coated a variety of B Motion pictures. There was every part from Thankskilling 3 to The Void. Some movies had been humorous. Some had been unintentionally humorous. And a few had been mainstream with far-out ideas like zombie tigers. All in all, it was a hell of an inventory.
Why make a sequel? As a result of narrowing down an inventory of fifty B Motion pictures To See Earlier than You Die was arduous. With so many films to observe, one can by no means actually know if the film is nice. Positive generally 5 minutes in, you realize it’s a actual stinker. Different instances it would take a half an hour earlier than one realizes they’ll by no means get that half hour again to their life. Poof. Gone. However all in all there are numerous nice B Motion pictures that didn’t make the unique listing.
So welcome again if you’re a LRM reader and welcome if it’s your first time right here. Be forewarned we will probably be treading deep into the bush to tug these B Motion pictures. We aren’t rehashing anybody’s earlier 50 or 100 or 1000 B Motion pictures listing. Nope. So, put together your self for 50 B Motion pictures To See Earlier than You Die: The Sequel. Larger. Higher. Badder. Oooh yeah.
WEEK 15 – Jason X (2001)
The hockey mask-wearing monster we like to hate goes to area. Jason X opens with Jason Voorhees awaiting cryogenics. Somebody plans to freeze the Crystal Lake killer. By no means make any plans involving Jason. It’s at all times a nasty thought. Jason is like Murphy’s Regulation. Simply go away him out of your plans. The solid of this B film options an evil scientist with huge Invoice Clinton-like hair.
Tacky Plot
The Jason X plot entails cryogenically freezing Jason as a result of he has regenerative skills. However that’s as dangerous as Predator deciding autism will improve the survival of their species. I feel it’s time we admit that the murderer Predator could have had various extra nefarious plans with that Rory McKenna. Somebody must name Chris Hansen shortly.
However Jason does what he does finest and proves your plan is nugatory when he pulls a switch-a-roo on the hapless guard. And people, identical to that many scientists are dwindled right down to no scientists due to Jason and his machete. Initially, the film opens within the not-too-distant future when Jason escapes. He’s wearing tattered leather-based straps that appear like one thing from the Yeezy runway. It’s so derelict!
A Future With out Sports activities
Some intrepid damsel in misery manages to lock him in a cryogenic chamber and herself by chance. So, each get frozen as microwavable hen nuggets. It appears to be like like it will likely be a very long time earlier than they’re discovered and thawed. So, we get the compulsory scene the place they’re found, frozen, sooner or later, Captain America fashion.
Hockey will probably be outlawed in 2024 so have enjoyable on the ice whilst you can. However even a frozen Jason isn’t protected to be round when he’s stiff as a stalagmite. He falls ahead in a slight earthquake and slices a scientist’s arm clear off while nonetheless frozen. So, they take Jason and the feminine as much as the principle ship with plans on reviving the feminine. She was frozen for round 4 centuries. Why they’d take Jason Voorhees on board anyplace is baffling. Who would thaw a frozen 200 pounder sporting a grimy hockey masks, holding a machete? It looks like we’re watching an episode of Stargate SG1 with Jason thrown in there.
Tacky Generated Imagery
The CGI just isn’t dangerous in any respect, for a horror film made in 2001. There’s a scene the place a lab employee removes a chunk of rotten flesh from Jason’s eye and appears like she’s going to woof it down like a snack, however she doesn’t. As a substitute, she dips it in some futuristic dry ice.
Apparently, reanimation from a frozen state just isn’t an enormous deal sooner or later. However one of many guys offers off some severe Burke from Aliens vibes as he and he alone realizes they’ve Jason Voorhees frozen. So he plans to promote the frozen serial killer Jason as a futuristic sideshow and make sufficient loot to purchase a Sunseeker.
We see Jason unmasked. His face is each bit as disgusting as we’d imagined. Saying Voorhees has a face that solely his mom may love is the understatement of the 12 months.
Future Jason
There’s a male scientist that likes to put on lingerie whereas being tortured by a dominatrix pupil and he shouts “you move”, which I can assume is for a check. So that they have some odd association there. In the meantime, Jason is hitting room temperature like an outdated frozen hamburger on a summer time balcony.
Does Jason give off pheromones that make folks act silly and attractive? As a result of it occurs in each Jason entry and right here too. And he at all times takes benefit of the opportune lovemaking time to unfold some love utilizing his trademark machete.
Memorable Kills
Wakes up, bodily assaults a scientist, sticks her face in cryo ice she beforehand positioned his eye into after which shatters stated face in opposition to counter. Selects instruments, kill, kill, kill, now, now, now, or not less than that’s what I heard. Jason is alive sooner or later, stalking the ship’s crew.
He stabs a man as he opens the door, after which he takes the man away someplace off digital camera. There’s a number of anticipation about what’s going to occur to him since he’s being chaperoned across the ship by Jason. There’s a lady that I mistook for The Predator’s Olivia Munn, as a substitute, it was actress Lexa Doig.
Two crew-members are performing some VR Solarbabies factor combating a monster alien that Jason wrecks. He walks proper into their simulation and begins killing them. Then the VR drops, they usually get killed in actual life by Jason. One man has his again damaged after Jason pulls a wrestling transfer on him. The opposite man will get his head bashed right into a wall by Jason.
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Subsequent up is a hippy-looking engineer sooner or later sporting a monocle, and a Hell’s Angel-inspired vest. He narrowly evades a strike from Jason when the crew smashes him with a hail of bullets. However when the smoke settles, Jason has pulled a Batman and vanished within the smoke and confusion.
Some dude tries martial arts strikes on Jason and is impaled inside ten seconds. Sure! You learn it proper. Karate on Jason. Happy with defeating the Judo Grasp, Jason shortly slices a girl named Gecko’s throat open.
Man, I wish to see ‘Jason Takes Victorian England’. He took Manhattan in Jason Takes Manhattan, so why not? However why cease there? Have him take Miami, Portland, Ontario, Australia even. Have him kill kangaroos and Crocodile Dundee.
Tacky Dialogue
Jason stabs him via the ribs. His response – it’ll take greater than a poke within the ribs to take down this outdated canine. Jason responds non-verbally with one other stab via the ribs. Earlier than dying, the person responds “yeah that should do it.” That’s some good B film writing.
The slimy entrepreneur tries to cause with Jason. He offers Jason again his machete earlier than exclaiming to the others “guys it’s okay, he simply wished his machete again”. He’s referencing Jason. And he’s about as naive as that man on She-Hulk pondering he was courting the true Megan Thee Stallion. Jason doesn’t negotiate or do pleasant. He has one mode. Kill mode.
The Crystal Lake Impact
Apparently making out will increase your likelihood of survival in line with the android. Possibly Jason’s aura triggers some primeval response to breed because you’re about to die. It’s the one method I can get my head round why an android would say that making out will increase the statistical charge of survival while being hunted by Jason
Jason 2.0
Now the a part of Jason X the place they add an additional slice of cheese onto this B Film. Jason will get a futuristic improve. However first, the crew upgrades the android with some huge &&* Cable like X Man gun, and he or she goes all Trinity on Jason like he was mocking Neo. She makes use of her machine gun to shoot his arm clear off. She even blows a 3rd of his rotten head off. The film ought to finish there, proper?
Nope. The now twice-dead Jason will get upgraded in a mishap and it’s as a lot of a change as Shredder taking Ooze. He’s now shiny and chrome. He chokes Olivia Munn, throws Lawrence Tate, and punches the android’s head off.
Jason is Unkillable
The ship’s crew bands collectively to hunt Jason down. So now it’s basically Aliens however with Jason. The remaining is future cyborg Jason killing folks. The spotlight is the crystal lake VR they entice Jason inside, they create some beer-drinking pot-smoking chicks to distract him. Jason is in heaven.
Man after getting frozen, awaken, killed, and reborn, that is pure nostalgia for Voorhees. Two scorching chicks are topless and promiscuous. He promptly makes use of a sleeping bag to beat them each out of the remainder of the film. In the long run, the crew discovered it higher to save lots of an android head over a black man. No wait, the black man saves the day just like the Rocketeer. However can Jason survive atmospheric reentry? Discover out within the Jason X sequel. Jason Does Neo Tokyo.
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